My house has officially recovered from Christmas! Me? Not quite yet. I’ve still got to toss out some toys so that there’s enough room for the boys to actually play with all of their new stuff.

I’ve not even had a chance to read all the way through these Ask Metafilter threads, but all three of them are intriguing: the first asks about the happiest moment in your life, the second is about life-altering experiences and the third involves major epiphanies. There are some deep answers in there! I laughed, I cried… and I’m not even done reading yet.

It makes me want to know what *your* happiest moments are (aside from the usual answers: wedding day, birth of children, the day Willy Wonka gave you the chocolate factory, etc.) and what, if any, life-altering experiences or epiphanies you’ve had. Will you share? Please?

Also worth linking: Parent Hacks: A Collaborative Weblog of Practical Parenting Wisdom. It’s like LifeHacker with diapers and sippy cups! I have to mention that I actually own the baby book featured on today’s front page, thanks to the Crackmonkey. When our kids take over the world, he’ll have immunity. Probably.

Dusting and vacuuming, laundry and dishes are all waiting for me. Also, T-Rex Mountain, which, no matter what the box says, is NOT a toy for 4-year-olds. Why? Because 4-year-olds don’t yet have the dexterity to fit all of the pieces together. Modular system? Hmmph. I should have glued it together so that they didn’t know it could be changed around. Countless hours, down the drain! “Mommy, I want T-Rex mountain to look like THIS now!” Max and Khai love it *so* much, though– they’ve stated numerous times that it’s their favorite toy. Maybe they sense the animosity I feel toward it…

It is a testament to my love for Josh that I not only got up at 6am to drive him to the airport, but I also ironed his clothes– I detest ironing and don’t do early mornings if I can help it. The boys, both asleep in their carseats, still in pajamas, each got a kiss on the head when we got to the aiport; when we arrived home and I brought them inside, their first questions were “Where’s Daddy?!!?!” I guess it’s worth waking them up for the goodbye hug, even if they don’t fall back asleep.

My Christmas tree is still up and it’s really starting to bug me. I’ve never had one up this late before! There’s just not been an abundance of time. Tonight, perhaps, I’ll get it all put away while listening to the Gentle News Live (aka The NotPodCast). Make sure there are no children within earshot before clicking that link. Ahem. ;)

On our way to the grocery store today, my dahhhhling son told me, “Mommy, I really like you, but I wish you were an astronaut mommy.” Oh, me too, me too! He later told me that he liked me just how I am, even though I’m not an astronaut mommy. Awww.

So much has happened over the last two weeks– they’re heavy. It feels almost like time-travel, as I’ve been only half-conscious for a large part of it. I’ve been aware of everything, hyper-aware of some things, and yet on automatic pilot at the same time. It barely makes sense to me, so it’s difficult to find the right words to explain it to you.

There’s too much, in any case. Losing Josh’s mom has been so tough– experiencing his grief, feeling my own, attempting to explain to my boys and answering their questions. I am so fortunate to have known her, and to have her son in my life. Her influence on Josh, and the echoes of her in my children are invaluable to me. I could not have asked for a better mother-in-law, and she serves as a perfect example of how to treat my own sons’ wives when they marry someday. She always made me feel loved and respected. Always.

I come away from the last couple of weeks and this past year feeling nothing but gratitude. I am grateful for the amazing people in my life, and want nothing more than to find a way to spend more time with you. Life gets in the way all too easily– and we’re not here long enough to let that happen. I look at my baby boy (who will be five years old this summer) and wonder how time could go so quickly… and then I realize that my parents must feel the same way when they remember my childhood. Life’s just not long enough for the unimportant things to impede that which makes us happy.

I don’t make resolutions at the start of every new year. I think about and evaluate things and decide whether to make changes or not– sometimes that happens in January, sometimes it’s mid-March or the end of August. Whenever it hits me. It has hit me that I need to take better care of myself– more sleep, less stress, less pressure to do everything all at once. More yoga. More water. Less beration of myself. More time for myself, no matter how backwards and counter-intuitive it feels or how hard it is to create. Will all of that make me happier? I’m not sure. It might help make me a better mom, though, especially the more sleep and less stress.

Again, gratitude. I’m overwhelmed with it: very light, yellow-white, floaty-feeling. It’s nice.

After Josh placed the urn in the ground yesterday, they played Louis Armstrong’s version of When the Saints Go Marching In. Max ran out in front of everyone to dance– crazy, free, jubilant, smiling– and I know Beverly would have cheered him on with a smile of her own.

Really, I’m still here– I promise. Life has been strange and hectic, thus leaving no extra brain-cycles for writing. I look forward to things settling down. Next week?