For the past couple of days, I’ve been tempted to list my kids on eBay. The problem is that I’d really miss them if I were to pack them up and ship them to someone else. I like them a lot, y’know? I just need some s-p-a-c-e to think and breathe. That’s a pipe dream, but hey, it’s MY pipe dream: a special place with space, thinking, breathing and sleep. Sounds nice, doesn’t it?

I’ve been teaching Max how to play chess, and he’s catching on quickly. It’s not a ‘bishop’ to Max… it’s the ‘boosh-up’ — that makes me laugh every time he says it. I wonder how long it will be ’til he beats me? I should probably be brushing up my skills; there’s got to be a good chess game online somewhere.

Um, so Thanksgiving is two weeks away. Which means Christmas is right around the corner. What? It’s going soooo fast.

I’m now caught up on email.

It’s 2:19am (and all is PIPE!!!). I miss Artie.

The Strongest Man IN THE WORLD!

This makes me feel sick: Same-sex marriage ban wins overwhelming approval.

It’s discrimination, plain and simple. This is bad. Very bad.
I am angry, bewildered, and feel helpless. I voted, but it doesn’t seem enough. Maybe I just need to move somewhere that’s more tolerant. Is there anyplace left?

Also grim: Kansas schools rewrite the definition of science. Creationism again? What century are we in?

Why do I feel like we’re sliding backwards? I don’t want my kids to have to deal with this crap. I feel like the world needs to be prefaced with a disclaimer. What a mess.

The to-do list that is currently ruling my life is the very same list that has been haunting me for about three weeks now. It’s growing and growing, but shows no sign of shrinking. I marked exactly TWO things off today. Every time I start to tackle something on the list, something or someone (*cough* KIDS *cough*) interrupts me and I have to go put out fires, rescue teddy bears from certain doom, and handle lots of Supremely High-importance Imperative Things.

There are so many things I want to do that have been on the back burner for months now– there’s just not enough time in the day. I don’t even have an outside job, people! What if I were juggling all of this and a career? It’s all I can do just to get the basics taken care of day to day, and even then I feel like I’m falling short.

Whine, whine, whine! Okay, enough of that.

Today, Khai counted to 11 while playing. It’s becoming apparent that he knows his numbers and almost all of the alphabet… he just doesn’t want to play by my rules or be my trained monkey. What’s up with that? He’ll sing the alphabet song with Max, but won’t even repeat a single letter with me. Thbbbt.

Dinner tonight was a delectable pizza casserole. Despite being heavily modified to fit our non-wheat and non-dairy demands, it was so good that even Khai ate it. (!!!) I keep wanting to make a cooking section for this site in order to give hope to those starting out in the land of wheat-free cooking. I have a lot of traditional recipes that I’ve been able to make work through trial and error… it would have been nice to be able to find “normal” things to cook when I was first facing such a big change.

There’s another mountain of email that needs replies. Hopefully I can get some of that taken care of before I fall asleep. So. Very. Tired.

Here’s the view Josh and I will have of the stage at American Airlines Center on November 20.

Who’ll be on that stage?

When tickets first went on sale, they sold out in 17 minutes. I’d searched for tickets before, and Josh had even tried to find some online a couple of months ago to surprise me with, but they were just too expensive. This weekend, Ralph told me he’d seen McCartney live, and it was amazing. My dad has loved Bob Dylan forever and said that seeing him in concert was one of the highlights of his life. Like I need urged to give in to my Beatlemania! Last night I realized that I might not have many more chances to see one of them in person. Ringo has a special place in my heart too, but I don’t think one of his concerts would have the same impact. If this happens to be the last tour Paul does, I know I’d regret not seeing him. So, we decided to jump in and just do it. I am beyond excited. :)

Thirteen days left!

We’re baaaack! It was such a good weekend, and a reminder of how fortunate I am to have such a wonderful family. Most of the people I know don’t enjoy spending time around family members, but I can honestly say that I liked talking with every single person there. Hearing my Great-Grandpa tell stories of the many things he’s seen and experienced over the 100 years of his life was so special to me. He’s very present, and still has a sharp sense of humor. He has slowed down over the years, but moves around better than some people half his age.

I’m reminded of our visit to Kansas right after Max was born. Great-Grandpa had been up in a tree earlier that day, trimming branches with a saw. He was 96 years old. (!!!)

At one point during the question-and-answer session after dinner, someone asked what piece of technology has had the most impact on his life. After about two seconds, he answered, “the tractor!” He has spent his life farming, and remembers the one-row plow, pulled by a single horse.

He also remembers the first presidential election he voted in– Franklin Delano Roosevelt was running in 1932. It’s truly staggering to think of the scope of my great-grandfather’s life.

In addition to all of the extended family, I also got to spend time with my mom and dad, brother & almost-sister-in-law, and my sister. I miss them all SO MUCH! I cried like a baby when it was time for them to leave. It’s hard being so far away, and it just keeps getting harder. It’s almost a tease to just see them for a couple of days. I hope we’ll all be able to be together at Christmas; it’s tough trying to coordinate everyone’s schedules.

Tomorrow we get to vote on amendments to the Texas constitution, including HJR 6, which would ban gay marriage in Texas. This makes me so angry– why should our government tell us who we can and cannot marry? Love is love, people are people. What does tunnel vision accomplish? Not much, in my oh so humble opinion. If it comes down to what is unacceptable according to different religions, then I don’t see how it is okay to impose those standards upon the whole of the state, or worse, the country. One of the reasons our forefathers came here was to get away from religious persecution in England. Have we forgotten our history so quickly? If you live in Texas, I hope you’ll be out voting tomorrow, too.

I’m supposed to be tying up loose ends and packing our bags, but I’m so crazy-frustrated that it’s becoming impossible to get anything done at all.

My great-grandfather turned 100 years old today, and there’s a big family celebration in Kansas this weekend. It’s been a long time since we’ve all been together, and I’m pretty sure that my great-grandpa hasn’t even met Khai yet. We’re supposed to leave tomorrow, but of course that depends upon my ability to actually get a bag packed.

My children. My beautiful, loving, sweet, funny children. They are driving me nuts. I got the living room toys picked up and put away, but while I was doing the dishes, they dumped them all out again. They’re both cranky today– lots of fighting and screaming. Khai’s had umpteen meltdowns already. And I’m taking them on a road trip tomorrow? OMG. I must be stupid.

After I saw the toy mess, I thought I was going to explode. As I was leaving the room, I said, “I’m losing my ever-loving mind.” I went into my room and covered my head with pillows; Max followed soon after to tell me, “I can find your ever-loving mind for you.” And so goes the fight– my blood pressure still through the roof, tears still ready to flow, my whole body tense, then he proceeds to melt me and makes me want to pick him up and snuggle-hug him for hours.

They’re screaming at each other again. I need to be productive. I need them to not be at each other’s throats. I need to not feel like my heart is going to go supernova.

Somehow, I managed to forget to set my alarm last night before going to sleep. I woke up around 6am, and in glancing at the clock, realized the ‘alarm set’ light was suspiciously dark. I flipped the switch, the alarm went off at 7am, and all was well. Except for that waking-up part, which is never good. I’m stunned that I woke up early on my own, not to mention that I actually noticed the missing alarm light!

Today was Max’s first speech therapy class, and he had a great time. We’ll have new homework and exercises to do together every week. I’d searched online for things I could do with him to help with his stutter, but didn’t come up with anything, so I’m glad to have the exercises as well as the guidance. I have to do a little speech therapy myself; I’m supposed to use ’slow and easy speech’ so he can model his words and sentences after me. It will get easier, but at this point it’s something I have to remain constantly aware of.

Bathing my boys is exasperating. Is bathtime difficult for everyone, or are we just special? They fight and throw water on each other, scream and cry at even the mere suggestion of hairwashing, and then argue some more when it’s time to get out. I’ve taken to giving them super-fast baths, no toys allowed, just to streamline the whole drama. It’s just a bath; why must there be screaming? When they were tiny, they *liked* baths… I don’t know what happened. If there were ever a reason to need a big, tough, German nanny, this is it. “NEIN! ICH BADE SIE!”

It’s 9:30. I’m going to bed.