Max and Khai helped me put up the Christmas tree today and for the most part, things went smoothly. They were so cute! Max kept trying to hang ornaments higher and higher up on the tree and Khai wanted to put every one of his ornaments on the same branch. I had to even things out a bit… somehow, seven ornaments on a single branch seemed a bit much. They were so proud of their handiwork; the new challenge is to figure out how to keep them from taking all of the ornaments off of the tree to play with them.

I have such happy, warm childhood memories of decorating the tree with my family. It was something we all did together– Christmas music in the background, going through all of the ornaments and remembering their individual stories. We took turns putting the angel on top of the tree, with Dad lifting us high enough to do so before we were each tall enough to do it on our own.

Because of these memories, it has been important to carry on this tradition with my boys– the family time, the sharing, the togetherness. However, Josh doesn’t have any particular attachment to tree decorating (nor to the holiday season in general, really) and in fact, would rather not help decorate the tree or the house. In the past, I’ve kind of poked and prodded him into participating… but this year, I just let him be. While we did the tree, he was lost in computerland, though at least he was in the same room.

At first, I tried to draw him in (gently, even!), but it was apparent that he had no interest. I started getting upset, but rather than direct that at him, I tried to figure out exactly what I was getting so emotional about. What I came up with was this: because the tradition is important to me, I wanted him to cater to me and act as if it were important to him, as well. Hello, selfish me! I know full well that this will never matter to him, and there’s nothing I can do to make it matter. I have no control over that. I could probably nag and guilt him into participating, but what would that really get me? I’d still know he didn’t want to, and it would probably come across to the kids, somewhat. I’d much rather let go of my disappointment and instead focus on making this a loving, warm, happy tradition that the boys and I experience together. It can’t and doesn’t have to be exactly like what I had as a kid.

It’s strange how I paint myself into little corners like this from time to time, when really, all I have to do is turn around to see that there’s a nice big EXIT sign awaiting me. It felt good to realize where my expectations were coming from and to be able to let that illusion float away.

Max, Khai and I had fun — that is what they’ll remember. I can’t ask for much more!

I’ve made a real dent in the to-do list, though I’ve also added a good number of things that have yet to be done. At least one thing is for sure… Max can stop asking me every five minutes when we’re going to put the tree up. From what I can tell, the new question is this: “Mommy, when will you put the lights on the house?” The ladder and I have a date tomorrow, so hopefully it will be a little warmer and a bit less windy.

Add this to the list of things I need to teach my children before they leave home: how to properly fold a fitted sheet. It is just now, at the age of 30, that I’ve learned how to fold a fitted sheet such that it actually looks nice. Either I wasn’t taught this earlier in life, or perhaps more likely, I ignored my mother’s best efforts to pass along this domestic tidbit.

Also? I learned my folding skillz from the internet. How did people survive without the internet? HOW? [via lifehacker]

Things are hectic. What is it about this time of year that breeds chaos? I’ve been on a huge cleaning-throwing out-organizing spree and while it’s both good and much-needed, it’s also exhausting. Oh, and I have a raging case of PMS, which is also exhausting. Chocolate is the answer, no matter what the question.

A while back I came up with an ingenious plan to build shelves in our living room closet (it extends under our stairs) such that we’d have more storage. On Sunday, Josh played handyman and I now actually have *unused space* in the closet. It makes me SO HAPPY to have that area all organized, and I’m once again reminded how nice it is to have a crafty husband.

Yesterday I got to play with power tools: I installed a second, lower clothes bar in the boys’ closet so they can get to their own hanging clothes. They were very excited, and proved their excitement by REMOVING EVERY PIECE OF CLOTHING from the bar. Somehow, I managed to keep my cool and explained that the clothes needed to stay on their hangers, in the closet. We’ll see how long that lasts. Reminder to self: breathe deeply and often.

Unused kitchen items have been purged and what’s left has been reorganized; next comes the living room since I have to rearrange things for the Christmas tree and decoration extravaganza. Really, there’s no time for sleep — is there a way I could just catch up on that after the holidays?

I’m incredibly behind on email, so my apologies to anyone who I’ve not gotten back to. Remember my email issues? Hopefully things will feel less manic soon.

Here’s my to-do list for the week, not including the normal cooking, cleaning, laundry and keeping my children happy & healthy:

• dye hair (there are like 5 grey hairs in front! gah!)
• lay out Matt & Chris’s wedding invitations, find background paper and seals
• catch up on email
• finish transferring Morgan’s site to new server, tweak design, start populating store
• find new animal hammock for Max & Khai’s room
• bring xmas stuff down from attic
• rearrange living room for xmas tree & deco
• take boys’ living room toys up to playroom
• build November galleries for boys’ pics
• find new winter coats for Max & me, see if Max’s old coat fits Khai
• put unused coats from LR closet into BR closet
• xmas shopping! (I have not started yet, tho I think I can do it all online)
• Christmas cards– make list (do you want one? send me your addy!)
• put lights on house
• scan pic of boys with Santa

Okay. Enough procrastinating… there’s much chocolate to be eaten to be done.

Nothing has been accomplished today, though I think that’s okay. There could stand to be some cleaning done, but I don’t see much point in that since it would look just like this in a few hours anyway. So, I reject the cleaning!

I’d kind of like to leave the house, but I’m afraid. The millions of shoppers make the roads unsafe– their minds have been taken over by the promise of sales and the prospect of bargains. We have Blockbuster coupons for a free movie (Charlie and The Chocolate Factory, anyone?) and since they expire soonish, this would be a good time to put on some bravery and hop in the car. Or maybe it’s worth paying to see the movie when it’s safe to leave the house. Will that be before Christmas? I’m not sure.

I’m craving cheese breadsticks. That’s just one of those things that I’ve not been able to recreate in an Erica-friendly fashion. I think they soak them in butter or something… and I don’t care what all of the alterna-cheese companies say, none of them melt or taste like real cheese.

Hmmm… to leave the house or not to leave the house?

Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you got to be with people you love and that your belly is full (but not too full, because that’s never fun).

I’ve got so much to be thankful for– I lead a charmed life. Love, love, love!

PHP files have taken over my brain and I’m m-e-l-t-i-n-g.

The boys are playing in the back yard and I’m terribly conflicted. I don’t like them being out there unsupervised (Khai moreso than Max) but I’ve got a LOT to do. The result is that they’re outside, but I’ve got several windows open so I can hear everything. Also, there’s probably more of my consciousness invested in what’s going on out there than in what I’m doing in here. Wherefore art thou, productivity?

For the past several days, my lips have felt very dry and swollen. It’s not just chapped lips– I’m used to those. This is different… and very uncomfortable. My lips are also bright red, whereas they’re usually more pinkish-pale. I’ve not been using any new products that would cause an allergic reaction, so I don’t know what to think. I hope it goes away soon. My lips are kind of big anyway, so I don’t need them to swell up any more! I got teased in grade school– funny that I still carry that with me.

I’m drinking freshly brewed coffee at 3:30pm. Either this will help wake me up such that I can concentrate on the webstore I’m building, or I’ll continue to be inexorably sleepy until bedtime comes– and then I’ll be wired.

It was stellar. Truly, I don’t have the right words to describe how big this was for me, nor how it felt to be standing there, watching and listening to Paul. I cried multiple times, cuz I’m sappy that way. Highlights included Eleanor Rigby, Penny Lane, Yesterday, Blackbird, I’ve Got a Feeling, Hey Jude…. oh, who am I kidding? I loved every second of it. The entire concert was one big highlight.

I owe a huge thank you to Aunt Jenn, who felt just well enough to watch the boys– although by the time she went home, she was feeling awful again. I’m so very grateful and hope that someday I’ll have the opportunity to do something equally wonderful for her.

I’m floating on a cloud of Paul, just so you know. I feel like I’m full of light. :)

I’m typing this in my Oprah voice, so be sure that’s how you read it: PAAAAAUUULLLL McCAAAAAAAAARTNEEEEY!!!!! The concert is tonight! We’ll need to leave the house around 5-ish so we’ll have time to catch the DART light rail to American Airlines Center. I still haven’t thought about what I’m going to wear. The panic-inducing part is that we don’t have a babysitter: Josh’s sister came down with the flu, and Katie is sick, as well. We don’t have backups. I don’t know what’s going to happen at this point. I’m trying to trust that we’ll work something out.

Yesterday was a fun day. I got to spend a few hours at Jess & Daniel’s place for a photoshoot. The most enteraining shot was perhaps the one that had me, naked, holding a giant bowl’s worth of fresh cranberries in my folded arms. They were wet, and chilly– and they wanted to escape. I had to lean as far back as I could in order to keep the cranberries from going everywhere, and it seemed that with every breath they found another way out. It’s a good thing it will be closely cropped– there was surely a grimace on my face since I was trying so hard not to laugh. I hope it turns out well. After the shoot we just sat and talked, and truly, I don’t get enough of that in my life. It was a good time.

Upon returning home, I got to morph into the mom-jungle-gym for Max & Khai to climb upon while jumping and screaming. It’s much more fun than it sounds! At first, anyway. After the third kick to the head and the seventh knee to the stomach, it’s time to start suggesting other activities. A book? Drawing with crayons? ANYTHING? Please??

For dinner, we met up with Justin, Bonnie and Taylor. It had been ages since we last spent time with them, so I’m happy we were able to work something out. It’s amazing how difficult it is to find something as simple as a restaurant when nobody wants to make a decision. Max is now crushing on Bonnie, and kept asking if he could go sit with her; I think he’d be content to do seek & find word puzzles with her and Justin for hours on end (I should make a mental note of that). Khai nearly slept through the entire dinner, though was kind enough to bless us with some crying and kicking toward the end. Fortunately, he was easily distracted as we whisked him out of the restaurant to head home.

There’s much to be done today. I plan on taking a blow-torch to the living room, which will possibly eradicate the toy mess once and for all. I don’t have high hopes, but I’m out of ideas. There’s work to be done on Morgan’s website, though PHP and children don’t mix well. So unless the kids are entirely absorbed in blocks and trains today, I probably won’t get much done on that front.

Oh, and hey! The Paul McCartney concert is tonight! It still doesn’t seem quite real. Must find babysitter. Any ideas? I need coffee. Strong coffee.

Today is the Thanksgiving Feast at Max’s school and he’s SO EXCITED. We made mashed potatoes to share with the class, and of course they’re Max-safe so that he can eat them too. It was so sweet– one of his teachers said she went to Sprouts yesterday to look for some rice cheese so that Max could have some along with his classmates. How cool is that? Truly, his school is just wonderful– I am so glad we found it. The Montessori method seems just perfect for Max, and I think Khai will do well there, too. It’s amazing to me that I can walk into the classroom and despite there being dozens of kids there, all 3-6 years old, everyone is happy, occupied and calm. That rarely happens at my house and there are only two children. It makes the tuition completely worth it when he walks in the door and I hear a chorus of little voices: “Maaaaaaax!!!” That puts such a smile on his face. He’s reading so well, and has such a good grasp of addition/subtraction and fractions; he’s even learning things like geography and music, and it’s all fun for him. There’s just a very nurturing, caring, safe feel about the place, and that makes me feel good. I’ve never worried about leaving him there. I think I’m in love with his school. Is that wrong?

Other things I’m in love with today include:

• Coffee (chilly morning + coffee = bliss)
• Everything I Know– a website that includes the audio files and text transcriptions of the 42 hours of Buckminster Fuller’s 1975 lecture that covered the works of his entire life. *swoon* Bucky, how I admire thee! [via MetaFilter]
• Paper Works– high art, of the paper variety. My favorite? Walking on Snow, especially this quote: The fact that the snowflakes are hand-cut, the number of them and that they are all unique, also indicate an aspect of something obsessive, which goes beyond the playful. [thanks, ee!]
• Live Simple– an e-book by John December. Ironically, the page is quite cluttered… but the content is good. Right now, the Rule Your Stuff section is especially relevant, because I feel like I’m drowning in all of our STUFF. It’s time to start throwing things away! [via LifeHacker]

I’m ready for Josh to be home– he’ll fly in from Michigan late tonight (or as Khai says, Mish-gannn). It’s been cold at night and I need my radiator.

As I peek out from my illness- and toddler-filled world, I realize it’s been nearly a week since my last post. Um, wow. Life has been kind of busy and stressful, and I don’t know what my respiratory system is doing but it needs to quit messing around and get back to normal.

Highlights over the last week include Saturday and Tuesday. On Saturday, Katie came over to play with the boys so that I could go out for a day of fun with Jess. Katie rocks. Plain & simple. She came to keep my kids so I could go hang out with another friend! She’s amazing. Jess and I had been trying to get together for months. Every time we had a plan in place, something would come up for one or both of us, and we’d have to put it off. Finally, something worked (thanks to Katie!) and we were able to have coffee. We had coffee for many hours– three hours, to be exact. We had real conversation! Without being climbed upon by children! We kept trying to figure out what people do for fun, and couldn’t come up with anything. So, we just enjoyed talking and laughing. Afterwards, we had dinner in the food court at the mall, then window-shopped to round out the evening. Excitement and adventure at every turn! It was such a relaxing day, and I am so glad we were finally able to beat our schedules into submisson so we could get together.

Tuesday was good because A) Monday was absolute hell, and B) Josh surprised me with mushy-gushy romantic stuff! Right before lunch, there was a knock at the door– it was a delivery man with a dozen roses and a dozen chocolate-covered strawberries. I was stunned. There were lots of tears, especially after I’d read what he had written for the cards. Ok, all together now: awwww! I have to elaborate on the strawberries, because to simply call them chocolate-covered is quite a disservice. There were coconut and chocolate, coconut and white chocolate, chocolate and slivered almonds, chocolate-chip-covered, white chocolate and plain chocolate strawberries. OMG. He was kind enough to warn me not to open them in front of the children, so I didn’t share a single one of them (that’s a lie– I gave two of them to Josh, but he actually protested at first). I didn’t have to share any of them with the kids, and while it sounds pretty selfish of me, I get tired of sharing every. single. thing. that I put in my mouth. So yeah! Strawberries! Chocolate! All for me! Now that’s a good day. Also? Josh helped make dinner and then did the dishes. Since he’s out of town for dinner more often than not, that’s a lovely bit of luxury for me.

Speaking of dinner, it’s time to start something. Where’d the day go? Oh yeah, I cleaned all day. At least I was feeling up to it– the house was beginning to descend into an unrecoverable cluttered mess. It’s amazing how much more mental clarity I have just because there aren’t toys covering every inch of floorspace. Neurotic? Why, yes I am.