Though I don’t think you read this site with much regularity, I’m gonna say it anyway:
Happy Birthday, Daddy!

The prestigious title of Best Dad in the World is still yours. The love, respect, and admiration I have for you is taking up a pretty good part of the ol' pie chart, and though that means there's less for the rest of the world, I think you deserve it. You *did* make it though my teenage years, after all. I've apologized for that, right? Yeah. Sorry about that.

I love you and miss you-- and I wish so much that I could give you a big birthday hug in person.

Despite lofty plans to get all of the design kinks worked out over the weekend, I didn’t even start working on the site until after 10pm last night. Somehow, that’s usually the way things play out. I’m still messing with the templates and am trying to find a good stopping point– hopefully that will come soon, since I’ve got a lot of other things on my plate.

I’m still moody. Josh is a saint for putting up with my emotional rollercoaster. On Friday night we went to Dave and Busters to spend some time with friends, two of whom are actually en route to their new home in Maryland at this very moment. I almost didn’t go because I was in the middle of an I’m fat and ugly and horrible and nothing in my closet is cute and I am not any fun anyway death spiral. Josh talked me down, and then Katie talked me down some more (yes, I am that pathetic– the babysitter, who happens to also be a dear friend and my partner in group chai therapy– had to convince me to go out). It was a good time, and I know I’d have regretted not seeing Brad & Morgan before they left town. I also got to witness Mike’s grand upgrade to the Gold Card. It was a special moment, really– almost as special as when he won 500 tickets with the press of a single button. Now that’s skill.

Whatever cosmic force is causing this emotional badness needs to move along already. I don’t like feeling this way, and my poor family is probably ready to make me live in the garage. Actually, if there were a/c out there, I might not object.

Ok. Enough stalling. I have cleaning to do, and templates to break. Please gimme a yell if you find something that doesn’t work.

I’ve received more spam today alone than in the last week. Why?!?! Can we get some sort of webexorcism to rid the internets of the evil spam? Please?

There’s still much work to be done here. Some semblance of a page design would be nice, links to the sites I visit, and who knows, maybe even an about page. Hopefully I will catch up on a few things this weekend and will be able to devote some time to making the site look better. It’s important to me, strangely enough. Maybe because I used to do this stuff for a living? Go figure.

Max was at school on time today– barely. Since I don’t ever leave the house that early, I’d forgotten about things like 20mph school zones and the millions of people going to work. Tomorrow we’ll leave a little earlier. He came home exhausted and even said, “I want to eat lunch and then take a nap.” It didn’t happen, of course, but oh, I was excited for a few minutes there. A nap! If he sleeps, Khai might sleep…. and if they sleep, I might get to sleep, too! It didn’t take long for my bubble to burst.

I just found out that Josh will be in LA for three days next week. That should be a good trial run for us– though having survived for six weeks without him a couple of years ago, I know we’ll be all right. He was at work until about 1am last night, and I kept listening for his car to drive up, or a car door– his key in the lock. I found myself thinking, This is how it’s going to be– quiet like this– only without the anticipation of him coming home. It’s going to be strange.

After hearing that Daddy would be in California for a few days next week, Max (in his most tearful, woesome voice) said, but I will miss him! When I told him we could take silly pictures of ourselves and email them to Daddy’s phone, he perked up quite a bit. That will help!

Khai just hollered, STICK IT, MOMMY! I’m trying not to take it personally. It makes me wonder, though…

We’ve been invited out for a final night with Brad & Morgan… they’re leaving for the east coast next week. I need more babysitters. Where do people find babysitters? I only have two, and since we’ve recently rediscovered our social lives, they’re getting regular abuse. Really, I should start trolling the high schools.

Life was slightly better today; I didn’t cry even once! I don’t know what’s going on with me, but I’m ready for it to stop so I can feel normal again. There were no shopping attempts made today, nor did much get done other than laundry and dishes. I listened to Dave Matthews Band all day because it makes me feel good, and let the boys climb all over me while they were doing their version of yodeling. It’s the little things, y’know?

Despite going to bed before midnight last night, I was awake until well after 1am. Lying there, wishing for sleep to come, I kept fighting the urge to get up and scrub the bathtub. Why? It was better than wasting time trying to sleep, and that would be one more thing to mark off of my giant list. I stayed in bed, though, and tried not to think too much. Thinking can be dangerous.

Max has to be at school at 8:30am… which means I’d better hop in the shower and then go to bed so I can start trying to sleep. Also, I have an art date with Cynthia tomorrow night… I’m looking forward to it so much. I think it has been almost two years since I’ve been to a museum. I just remembered that I was supposed to IM her tonight for directions… so hey, Cynthia… I’ll email you tomorrow. Sorry!

Why will I buy a venti soy latte at almost $5 a pop (with only a bit of guilt, for I love them so), but will balk at buying an entire bag of coffee beans for $8? Where is the logic? WHERE? I have to return the bag of hazelnut coffee I bought earlier in the week because it’s gross, and it says right on the side of the bag that my Satisfaction is Guaranteed. I usually don’t bother with such things, but I guess the situation is a little more serious when it comes to coffee. Don’t mess with my coffee– it’s my only treat, and not even a daily one, at that. I’m getting surly… it’s time for bed.

I’m going to be in bed by midnight. Which gives me just a couple of minutes to write this.

Today was one of those days. You know, one of those days. I don’t know if it’s sheer exhaustion, PMS, or what… but I just didn’t feel capable of coping with anything at all today. On days like this, my kids seem extra hyper, extra loud, extra crazy– and it’s most likely because I’m off-kilter and they pick up on that. It doesn’t help that I’m hypersensitive to those very things… which perpetuates the cycle.

It seems selfish of me to even complain at all– I get to stay home with my kids. How in the world would I manage if I were trying to work, too? If I feel overwhelmed now, what would tossing a job and a daycare schedule into the mix do to me? I know how lucky I am, and despite my efforts, I still can’t do it all. I still can’t be supermom, no matter how hard I want to be.

I want to be able to handle it all. Some days, I can’t handle anything.

Tomorrow will be better.

G’night.

Whether it’s a kid thing, a boy thing, or just something specific to my boys, toilet humor is becoming more and more regular around here. This morning the boys made a pretend potty in the living room out of a toy barn. They were taking turns: sitting on it, saying “poop-poop-poop”, then pretending to flush. My two-year-old, Khai, stood up afterwards and said, “EXCELLENT!” I did not teach them this, I swear.

I owe a giant thank-you to Josh for fixing the world when I break it. Well, maybe not the world… but the world inside the server, perhaps. I hate asking for help– figuring things out for myself is much more gratifying. Too often, I have to call him in for rescue operations. He’s infinitely patient with me; I’m so appreciative of his help and time.

Today I am anxious in a non-specific kind of way. It’s probably a by-product of too little sleep and too much caffiene over the weekend. Unfortunately, I have to pack up the boys and go to the grocery store– possibly the absolute worst place to go when I’m caving in on myself. It’s hard enough on good days. We’re out of fresh fruit– this is a dire situation, according to my kids. Must remember to breathe deeply and often.

The move to WordPress was so very easy. I’m happy with the Greymatter-to-WP import script… it was a snap. Now, all that’s left is to tweak the design and it’s smooth sailing from here. Hopefully. ;)

I stayed up entirely too late– and will likely be paying for that over the next couple of days. But it’s done! No more comment problems! Cue the dancing and merriment.

Last night I made pizza again, and it is tasty. I need to write down my recipe so I can share it, but the problem is that I tend to just start tossing things in when I cook. The dough is a little more proportion-sensitive, so the water and flour get measured; once I’m putting oil, herbs, and yeast in, though, I’m just going by what looks good. In any case, the pizza is so good that I wanted to eat it all in one sitting. Somehow, I managed to refrain… so guess what we’re having for lunch? YumMmmMehhh.

Please forgive all of the messiness as I get the design changes worked out… and HEY, drop me a comment, okay? TIA.

I just watched Finding Neverland and fell in love with Johnny Depp all over again. It made me cry, but then I’ve been known to cry at particularly poignant Star Trek episodes.

This evening I didn’t do any work on the computer at all. JUST SAY NO! I’ve been overwhelmed lately and it starts to feel as if I’m going in circles. Maybe I am.

I don’t think comments are working at all now; implementing WordPress is in bold on my to-do list for this weekend.

It was a rough day– the boys were cranky, I was grumpy, it was hot, blah blah blah. We had pancakes (spelt), eggs and bacon for dinner, read new library books before bed, and then I decided to slack off for a night. I feel better now. ;) One sad thing is that I did not go get my tattoo– but it’s better saved for a day when I’m not quite as psychotic. There *will* be less psychotic days ahead, won’t there? Please?

I’ve been reading so many great accounts of the BlogHer conference that took place this last weekend. I’m so jealous! I want to go next year! Maybe Josh will have tons of frequent flyer miles by then and the magical babysitting genie will appear so I can attend the conference. Who wants to go with? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? I’m serious– I really want to try to make it next year.

Time to sleep… and when I wake up, it will officially be Friday. Even without a normal job, I’m still glad when Friday rolls around.

My sister reads this website every weekday, but never comments. I’m just sayin’. Wait, no, she DID comment once. Once. Where’s the love???

I love coffee so much. This morning I made some for the first time in about two weeks– cinnamon-hazelnut coffee, to be exact. The french press makes it nice and strong, and with some vanilla rice milk it’s pure heaven. I’m not so hard to please, really.

It looks as if Josh will be off to either New York or Michigan next week, assuming his laptop comes in before then. I’m excited for him! I know it’s going to be work, but at least it’s a change of scenery.

I really hope he’ll need to do some work in/around Portland before too long so he can check it out. We have friends who think we need to move there, but we’d like to at least see the area first. ;) In any case, it’ll be a couple of years before we will be moving *anywhere*. My heart is still kind of set on Colorado, but I’m open to exploring other places. Then we can start on the dome plans!

There’s a lot of web and design work going on around here lately. This is good– more portfolio fodder for later. Less sleep for now, but eh, sleep is overrated. Hopefully somewhere in there I’ll find time to redo this site, too– and migrate to WordPress. I’d like to do a photoblog, but only if I could update it daily. Since I can’t even seem to update this daily, that might be a struggle.

Are my kids the only ones in the world who repeat things over and over, even after I’ve acknowledged what they’ve said? Just wondering.