Josh had a dream the other night that we boxed up the baby and FedEx’ed it home. Concerned co-workers, when told of the dream, said, “be certain to insure him.”

I have developed quite a pronounced waddle. When did that happen???

Work has been a flurry of meetings and graphic production, orienting the new designer, interviewing new ones, tracking graphics and sending out hordes of revision requests. It has been a lot to keep up with. I am tired, but I like this fast pace… I like never having to look for something to do, never having to wonder what’s next. It’s like one huge, long adrenaline rush that doesn’t let down— what will I do sitting at home for six weeks? I’m going to have to come up with some projects to work on. I need to build a new Flash-based portfolio site, so maybe that will eat some time.

Good things and bad things have happened today. First, I was recognized in our Operations meeting today for my “hard work and dedication” to the current project I’m on… they gave me a candle and a $50 Macaroni Grill certificate. Wahoo! That was totally unexpected, and things like that just *don’t* happen here. At least up until now, anyway. It made my eyes go all teary, but I held it in! ;) It was just really cool. On the down side, though, I found out from my project director that I will not be able to go part-time permanently. I had hoped to keep the baby out of full-time daycare for a while. What does this mean? I’m not sure. I’m definitely going to do 12 weeks of time-off-ramping-up-to-part-time. At that point I will have to decide whether or not to come back full time, or find another position elsewhere (contract or part time). Hmm. Many decisions… none of which will be made right now.

We don’t have that much going on this weekend, but it still seems like a lot. I guess mainly it’s the trip to Morris, Oklahoma on Monday– we’ll be leaving early, early, early in the morning, and most likely will head back way too late. Yahoo maps says it’s a 5-plus hour drive, but hopefully we’ll manage to shorten that quite a bit. I will get to meet much of Josh’s extended family, though, so that’s good.

We were going to go see Chocolat tonight, but Josh wants to play games with the Monkey. So…. I need to find something else to do. Maybe I’ll start that portfolio site…. or maybe I’ll just start the holiday weekend out right and go to bed early. :)

We’re off to Oklahoma for the graduation of Applesauce… the long drive should be interesting since we’ve decided to let the belly of doom tag along. It is just uncomfy to sit for long stretches of time! I guess we’ll just make a lot of stops. We might as well get used to that– once Max is born we’ll never take a road trip again without frequent stops. Maybe I should pitch a few fits and whine incessantly, just so we can get accustomed to that, too…

I have a new belly picture, but it makes my arms look incredibly fat (no, this would not, *could* not be because my upper arms are, indeed, incredibly fat), so I’m not going to post it. I’ll take another one soon for posting… I am sure we can find some angle that’s a bit more asthetic. Ahem.

Josh appears to be ready now… so off we go!

Busy, busy week… aside from the chaos that is work, I have 2 doctor’s appointments, a hair appointment, and an 8-hour drive on Friday (for Applesauce’s graduation). I’m SO ready for that haircut… dealing with my hair has just become nearly impossible. Maybe it’s just that I don’t care anymore…

I had something to write about, but I have since forgotten, and am very sleepy… so, off to bed.

The Duncan Sheik concert was very enjoyable last night… he’s got a very powerful yet smooth voice, and plays a guitar much better than I’d anticipated…. you never can really tell that from a CD. :) The only things that would have improved my evening would be: A) a cigarrette-smoke-free venue, and B) gags and muzzles for the table of drunk girls sitting beside us. They were loud and annoying through the entire show, and it was supremely distracting. ANYWAY, Duncan did a great job despite his complaint of having hives from mussels he ate in Austin last night… I’m not sure what my favorite song was, but of course “Barely Breathing” and “Wishful Thinking” were sublime. The first song he did was really good… I’d never heard it before, but after some quick web research, I find that it’s called “Nothing Special.”

Tonight I have a chiropractor appt (YAY!) and have to get the house ready for tomorrow’s LAN party… I’d like to just go home now… I don’t feel like being at work today.

This week’s addiction: lemon-berry fruit slushes from Sonic. It’s like drinking a popsicle! This is my third one this week–good thing they’re fat-free.

I’m sooo distracted today… I just want to go home, curl up on the couch, and take a looong nap. All of the daycare issues are weighing pretty heavily on me, and I want to just make it all go away. I know running away doesn’t help anything, but I can’t decide anything right now anyway. I did use a child care referral service that Josh’s manager at IBM recommended, so I should have that info next week.

I need to wake up and shake off this blanket of depressed-and-heavy thoughts so that I’ll be in a better mood for the concert tonight. Maybe I can leave work a bit early and squeeze a short nap in…

I’m looking at daycare options today. It terrifies me. It just feels so very, very wrong… It’s most likely going to be mid-September before I have to follow through on this, but I keep hearing that you need to be on a waiting list early. The whole thing makes me cry, and I don’t know if I truly feel that strongly about it, or if this is just a sensitive spot that I get repeatedly over-emotional about. It just feels wrong, with every cell of my self, and I don’t know how else to interpret it.

We looked at finances, and there is no way that I can quit my job… I could work part-time (assuming I make half of what I do now) with no problem, but my company does not condone less-than-full-time employment. I could work from home–I have the equipment, the connection, the discipline– but my company does not condone that, either. I could freelance, but do not have a client base nor time to build one right now… I could do contract work from home, but that’s assuming I can find someplace that wants off-site contractors. I don’t know what to do.

Have thought about finding a nanny– however, there are still issues with finding someone you can trust in your home and with your child, and at least with daycare centers there are regulations and other teachers around.

The whole issue just stomps all over my emotions. I worry what I will feel like after I’ve been at home with Max for six or eight weeks. How will I be able to hand him over to a stranger, trusting his life and well-being to someone that I don’t even know? At this point, I don’t feel that I can. But there aren’t that many options to look at here, so I will do what I have to do, even if it breaks my heart.

I wish I’d had the foresight to not get myself into any debt. I wish my car were paid off. Wishing doesn’t do any good at all.

Look what I just stumbled across! :) Borrowed from cilious; hopefully a link is payment enough.

Crazy work-week… Chris is leaving, so I’m taking over his responsibilities until someone else is hired. Who knows how long that will take? We’ve got 9 weeks to get someone hired and up to speed… then I’m ditiching work to go have a baby. ;)

Josh, Matt and I are going to see Duncan Sheik in concert tomorrow night… wheeeee! Fortunately, we have a table, so I won’t have to stand the whole time. That could get uncomfy since I’m hauling around this giant belly. This weekend is the LAN party, and we’ve still got to make sure we’ve got ethernet running to the garage and living room in case we’ve got an overflow of gamers. I have no idea how many to expect… I think the most we’ve had is like 15. I won’t be doing any gaming, but I’ll have a stack o’ movies to keep me occupied whilst armies, monsters, and spaceships take over the house. If you live in the DFW area and want to drag your computer over for a couple of days, email us…

I almost forgot to mention how fabulous my little brother is! This last weekend he played track superstar; he ended up with four gold medals and another state track championship under his belt. He won the high jump for the fourth year in a row, the open 400, the 400 relay, and the 1600 relay. He had a great picture in the Daily Oklahoman, along with a spiffy little write-up. He was also mentioned in the Sunday Oklahoman (towards middle of article).

Need to organize the website… it’s just getting cluttered. Need links to wedding pics, trip pictures (no, I still have not scanned the Thailand pictures), and friend pictures. My scanner is unhappy right now, and I have to figure out what’s going on with that. Need to pull the capture card from my box and put it in Josh’s, then install the other card in mine and get it running smoothly… so much to do, so little time.

In that confused and half-asleep dream state after the alarm clock goes off and the snooze button has been smacked, I dreamed of a church. Outside was a tall, illuminated sign that read, “Organic Tongue Poppers.” Hmm. Makes one wonder, doesn’t it?